Testimonial from a 1 - 1 session:
Dear Phyllis,
Today marks one year since my journey with psilocybin, and I’ve been reflecting on that day with reverence, humility, and no small measure of awe. I wanted to take a moment to thank you—not just for being present that day, but for all the work you put into preparing, holding space, and supporting me before, during, and after the experience.
As you may recall, I came to this with a deeply analytical background, and I chose to work with you in part because you see the world so differently than I do. That difference was precisely what I needed. You exposed me to preparation and integration practices I might otherwise have dismissed or overlooked—and for that I am sincerely grateful.
Most of all, I want to thank you for the way you honored the experience itself. You didn’t try to interpret it for me or overlay it with narratives that weren’t mine. You simply created a setting where the medicine could do what it needed to do. You helped me feel safe doing something that, at my core, I found uncomfortable. That sense of safety allowed me to let go.
The result? My life was transformed. That day last July shifted something foundational—not just in me, but in my relationship with my wife. After 34 years of marriage, the past twelve months have been the most openhearted, joy-filled, and deeply connected of our lives. We are, quite literally, not the same couple we were before. It's as if a new dimension opened up between us—one filled with wonder, tenderness, and delight.
In fact, the clearest message of the journey—and perhaps its greatest gift—was a knowing that my role in this life is to love and care for my wife in a way I had never fully grasped before. Though I’d always believed I was a good partner, I now see that she, having come from a difficult childhood, needed something exceptional—something I was uniquely positioned to offer, but had failed to fully recognize. That day brought clarity, responsibility, and purpose. And for that, I remain profoundly grateful.
Personally, too, the transformation has not been subtle. I am more patient, forgiving, generous, and attuned—not merely in degree, but in kind. Where once I believed, I now know. And though my intellectual curiosity remains vibrant—I still explore metaphysics, philosophy of mind, analytic idealism, and even quantum theory—my inquiry now arises from reverence, not conquest. I’m no longer searching for hidden mechanisms within the imagined scaffolding of the material world. I am seeking to attune, not to dissect—to listen, not to explain.
While I continue to make meaning of the experience in my own way, I recognize that such moments rarely unfold without care and intention. You were the one who held the space in which this threshold could be crossed. For that, I thank you—deeply. It was not a moment of learning, but of remembering. And that remembering continues still.
With respect and gratitude,
G. R.
Testimonial from a group retreat:
I. Why I Decided to Take the Journey
I was going through an emotionally devastating period. A long-standing, deeply rooted family issue had come to a legal end, and I was unwillingly left to deal with the painful aftermath. I was also facing significant challenges in my professional life, which further aggravated my mental health.
Desperate to pull myself together and get through the situation, I tried everything I could. I sought regular counseling, did intensive shadow work through journaling, delved into books on human psychology, went on a three-day meditation retreat, and took special care of my physical body with somatic exercises and nutrition. But nothing seemed to work at a fundamental level. I was still swept away in the middle of the day by sudden tsunamis of sorrow and despair. I cried tears of sadness and shame out of nowhere. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe stress and depression and prescribed Lexapro, an SSRI for treating depression.
It was then, when I was on the verge of needing medication, that I remembered psychedelic treatment, which had been far beyond my radar. I began researching psilocybin treatment, listening to podcasts, and reading related books. I decided that this must be a legitimate breakthrough treatment with great potential for personal transformation and healing.
In my research, I also learned that Oregon was the first state in the United States to offer a structured, state-regulated treatment using psilocybin, and that InnerTrek was founded by those at the forefront of these regulatory changes. A group retreat was scheduled for the end of July 2024, and the timing seemed perfect. Moreover, after reading about the facilitators of the retreat, Phyllis and Johnny, and seeing their pictures, I intuitively knew I would be in good hands. I booked a flight and made a reservation for the retreat.
II. Before the Journey
The entire program was carefully designed to introduce participants to psilocybin step by step. The preparation meetings helped build rapport among the facilitators and participants, but most importantly, they helped me clarify and set my intentions. After the program was over, I became even more convinced of the importance of setting intentions. Phyllis and Johnny did an excellent job in the preparation sessions, providing details on what to expect, what not to expect, and how to best prepare for the journey.
I later realized that all my previous efforts—shadow work, meditation, and somatic exercises—were not in vain; they helped me build strong intentions and undergo transformative experiences during the intake. My primary intention was to liberate myself from the shackles of the past. I wanted to break free from the cycles of negative rumination, harmful emotions, and unhealthy behaviors. I wanted to be free from the influences of my childhood and my parents, which often drove me to self-destructive points. I wanted to live a fuller, more fulfilling life, truly loving and being loved. I wanted to become a better person, in touch with my higher self, and continue growing mentally, psychologically, spiritually, and intellectually.
On my flight to Oregon, which took 20 hours including a stopover, I focused on these intentions, reading a book on psychedelic treatment. I also adhered to the fasting protocol during the flight, which Phyllis
recommended to minimize potential jet lag. It worked perfectly for me.
III. During the Journey
On the first day, I took a light dose. From my perspective, I did not enter an altered state of consciousness, but something definitely felt different. I was much more emotional. A huge wave of sadness swept over me, and I cried and cried out of sorrow. For the past six months, I had struggled deeply with my parents, feeling intense anger towards them. But during the first intake, I cried for them. I felt immense sadness for their unlived dreams, their own traumas, and their sadness. This didn’t mean that I would continue to be subject to their influence, which sometimes manifested as religious coercion and abuse in my upbringing. While feeling truly sorry for their wounds, I also felt determined to let go of the coercive, abusive aspects that made my life, and my sister's life, miserable.
On the second day, when I took a larger dose, I was determined to remain in a meditative state, thinking that I had been too emotional the day before. I sat as a meditator would, staying observant of my experiences for the first hour. When the mushroom started to take effect, I decided to surrender to the experience, and it was completely different from the previous day. I smiled and smiled, as if I had never smiled so broadly. I began to laugh wholeheartedly. I felt so peaceful and at ease. There was no tension whatsoever in my body. I completely relaxed without any effort. I then understood what it felt like for the ego to dissolve, being completely detached from my own thoughts and feelings. I could observe them so clearly.
I was definitely in an altered state of consciousness. It felt like I accessed a different world. I tried putting on and taking off my eye shades. At one point, everything looked so clear and vivid. At another, I saw patterns moving and beautiful fractals forming. According to the music, different patterns and fractals would appear. I could feel my body parts so clearly, as if I were a doctor scanning them with a machine. All of this was such a pleasant experience.
The most profound moment was when I reached out to Phyllis for help. I asked if I could hold her hands, and we held hands silently for what felt like more than half an hour. The music at that time was so calming and peaceful, and sitting there, holding Phyllis's hands, I felt total acceptance, belonging, and bliss. I cried and cried, this time out of complete happiness. I felt so forgiven and loved. I kept nodding to myself, as if I had just learned the most significant lesson in life, as if all the pieces were coming together to form a complete picture.
The blissful experience was heightened when Phyllis moved around to each participant, playing a musical instrument. The sound was so beautiful and angelic, and I was immersed and bathed in the consoling and purifying sound. At that time, I was sitting in front of a window overlooking a beautiful nearby river, shimmering in the sunlight. The day was perfect—the sunshine warm on my skin, the music blissful. I was completely relaxed in the chair, as if I had never had such a relaxing day in my life. It was pure peace.
I once read my intention paper aloud, and I felt the intentions engraved in my body and mind. The intention paper served as a compass for me during the intake session. While exploring this new world, I was able to remind myself of the important purpose of my journey. For a truly healing, therapeutic experience, I believe intentions are crucial.
IV. After the Journey
I realized how important it is to have facilitators. Under the influence of the mushroom, at times, I felt so fragile and sensitive, at other times so vulnerable and malleable. I was immensely grateful to Phyllis and the other facilitator for watching over me and holding the space safely and gently. Because of their presence, I felt completely safe and protected, which allowed me to explore myself and the new, different world during the intake. Phyllis and Johnny also appeared in my vision as motherly and fatherly ancestral figures, possessing immense wisdom and love—which they truly do possess in reality. I have so much respect for Phyllis, for her wisdom, kindness, intelligence, and maturity.
Before the journey, I was plagued by repeated, intrusive negative thoughts that brought me shame. Now, I feel much lighter and freer. The difference now is that I know what it feels like to be truly loved and accepted in complete bliss. I have a glimpse of the direction I need to go, and I feel like I now know where I’m heading. I feel confident in living a better life, growing further, and facing life—and even death—in the future more gracefully and peacefully.
I’m glad that new neural connections are forming, allowing me to forge a different path forward, breaking free from old patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior. This was indeed one of the most profound experiences of my life—an experience of love, bliss, acceptance, and forgiveness, all of which I had known in theory but never experienced in such depth.
V. Acknowledgments
My deepest gratitude goes to Phyllis and Johnny for their guidance, protection, support, wisdom, and love. I also thank my fellow participants for supporting each other, sharing experiences, and making the journey even more beautiful. I also extend my thanks to Kai for taking care of the space and us.